Day 8 - Kindfulness

Mindfulness is awareness

that arises through paying attention,

on purpose,

in the present moment,

non-judgmentally.

~Jon Kabat-Zinn

I hope week 1 of mindfulness month went well for you. Are you paying attention more? Start out by paying attention to your breath and the present moment, and you might just end up paying attention more to the people you love, to nature, and to life itself. Did you get distracted at least once last week? Well, good. And did you remember to come back to your breath at least once? Then you're making progress and that's why we practice.

It is so easy to beat up on ourselves. Did you experience frustration last week? Did you ever think to yourself, I'm not doing this meditating thing right? Even better. Because this week, I invite you to practice the non-judgmental part of mindfulness. Can you learn to watch your thoughts and be gentle with yourself at the same time? In the West, we tend to separate the head and the heart. I should know because I lived almost exclusively in my head for the greater part of my life, pretty disconnected from my body. We can learn from the East, where head and heart are more closely connected. I am not a head being carried around by a body. I am a whole person living in a body that includes a mind and a heart.

So I kinda like the word 'kindfulness.' Think of it as mindfulness with compassion. Meditation appears from the outside as a solitary exercise. Paradoxically, the more I learn to sit with my thoughts peacefully, the more I am at peace with those around me. At least I hope my husband and my kids think so. Meditation is sometimes labelled navel-gazing. That misses the point. Mindfulness allows me to not take the self so seriously, allowing me to be selfless in return.

There is a whole branch of mindfulness traditionally called lovingkindness or metta. The usual custom is to repeat several phrases for several different groups of people. Here is the version I learned from Jack Kornfield:

May I be filled with lovingkindness.

May I be safe from inner and outer danger.

May I be well in body and mind.

May I be happy and at ease.

You then repeat these phrases again but offering them on behalf of someone you love, like a family member or a close friend. The third time you offer them for a neutral person, like the clerk who bags your groceries whose name you may not know. The fourth time you offer them for a difficult person, probably don't start with your archenemy, but maybe the person who just cut you off in traffic. And the last time you offer them for all beings everywhere. This has become one of my favorite ways to meditate.

Sharon Salzberg, a major figure in western meditation, is one of the most well-known teachers of lovingkindness. Today, I'll let Sharon lead you in meditation.

Practice Options:

• Order Sharon's classic Real Happiness. It is a 28 Day Meditation Guide with week 4 devoted to Lovingkindness. Perfect if you need a second month of mindfulness.

• Create your own phrases and bring to heart your own selection of people.

• Google Lovingkindness meditation and discover a new teacher.

• Skip the phrases, skip the meditation, and just be kind.

• Today is my son's 28th birthday. Feel free to offer Jaden lovingkindness right along with me.